The thoughts will not leave my head
“it was your fault” she said
going to school something i dread
how cant people see they are being mislead?
Depressive thoughts in my head
“you asked for it” they said
PTSD i cant focus
But then a familiar hand holds mine
telling me that this does not define
telling me that everything is going to be fine
telling me that i still shine.
Have you ever heard of Sexual Assault? You probably have but if you havent it is where someone that you dont give consent touches you or forces you to do something sexual that you dont want to do. But what a lot of people dont know is what comes after it happens.
A lot of the time SA survivors after have a hard time with depression,anxiety,sleep disorders,trust issues and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 94% of people suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence. 94% of people also struggle with post traumatic stress. 13% of women have committed suicide due to not being able to handle the PTSD or depression.
If anyone tells you they are feeling like this please try to help them:
What can you can do for yourself or someone else. One meet with a therapist, meeting with someone to talk about it good to get out of your system is very healthy and also sometimes it makes people feel better talking to someone they arent close with. Two call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE(4673),more than 1,100 trained volunteers are on duty and available to help victims at RAINN-affiliated crisis centers across the country. The Calls are free and confidential.
Its the day after it happened and my stomach is turning. I dont want to get up and i try to convince my mom to not make me go to school because “my stomach was hurting” but she still made me go. As i walked into school i felt as if all eyes were on me. “Did you hear what happened” “Shes such a slut” “He said she begged him”. I ran to the bathroom as i thought “Is it really my fault?” My best friend stormed in and what asking me what happened and i told her. “You need to speak up, thats not okay that he gets to get away with that.” “no one will believe me” i said as i sunk to the floor wanting to never get up.
As walked in first period there i saw him sitting there with a proud smirk on his face as all of his friends pointed and said “There she is, maybe she’ll come for us next.” “Enough” Said Mrs.Willow. I smooshed my head in my desk not picking it up for the rest of the period. ” The period is over” said Mrs.Willow “Oh im so sorry” i said. “Are you okay?” said mrs willow. “yes im just tired.” i said “are you sure?” said mrs willow. “i said im fine” as i rushed out the class room.
As i was rushing down the hall i heard a familiar voice chasing after me and then someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into a closet, as i saw turned and saw who it was i thought i was going to throw up. “Youre not gonna tell anyone right? i mean you didnt say no, you wanted it too” he said. I thought to myself, was it me? “i mean i dont know yet.” i said “Well that will go on my permanet record, you cant do that to me.” he exclaimed. “I said i dont know if i will.” i said trying not to tear up. He grabbed my arm and held on tight and said “If you tell anyone what happened, if you think last night was bad just wait, i will make you life hell.” he threaten “let go of me right now, if i say something your life will be hell.” As i yanked my arm away and stormed off.
The whole day i had a weight on my chest, “was it me?” “did i make him think something?” “was it how i dressed?” my anxiety is through the roof. All the sudden someone came up behind me, “you need to say something, its not okay and if you need support i will be there with you every step of the way.” my bestfriend said “but did i do something? did i make him think i wanted that?” i said ” no, it is not your fault. You cannot control how he acts and what he did is not your fault, it does not define you as a person.” she said. I thought a lot about what she said and later that day i sat down with my parents and told them everything.
The night that it happened
it was never like i imagined
i thought i could never deal with the baggage
i felt my life could never be average
but i found the courage
to speak up
because i realized that im not a victim
i am a survivor
i am not inferior
that does not define me as a person.
“What were you wearing?” “Why were you there?” “Why didnt you stop it?” “Why didnt you say no?” The question is why does anyone have to defend there actions of why they got sexually assaulted? There are 1.5 million women and 834,700 men that are sexually assaulted that have spoke up about it. So many people always are scared to speak up about sexual assault due to victim blaming.People that have been SA will usually speak up if they have encouragement and know that what has happened to them does not define them as a person.
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